~Starlight tears~

the white starlight envelops the tears
the tears fall in the warm wind
do you feel it?
this trembling, quiet whisper that is going your way

i draw you on this white paper
the warm smile holds me
is this love?
even when i close my eyes, i see only you

i will be waiting for you
i will wait for you
i don't want to see the tears of pain anymore
you let me know
this love that's like a lie, i'll never let it go
because that love is you

i'm walking in my memories with you
the tears fill even the deepest area of my heart
what should i do?
even in my dreams, i miss you

i will be waiting for you
i will wait for you
i don't want to see the tears of pain anymore
you let me know
this love that's like a lie, i'll never let it go
because that love is you

please look at me, like the faraway stars
can't you be the one that's in my heart

i will be waiting for you
i will wait for you
i don't want to see the tears of pain anymore
you let me know
this love that's like a lie, i'll never let it go
because that love is you


~ horsey..it's dedicated to u..
u noe i reali miss u so..
even thou u've left..
u'r stil living deep within my heart..

went out for dinner & movie at plaza sing. on monday
our 6th mth-niversary..
brought his 2 cute cousins along too..
they r reali cute & fun to chat with..
cos kids r innocent tats y wat they ans u..
r reali wat u didn't expect i guess..
if i can hav daughters like them it would b so nice too..
but tats a future ting la..
wonder wil my kids b as cute as them ar..haha
as promised hubby gotten our 2nd couple ring from M+Y @ The Cathay for mi..
it was a promise he made since we were tgt..
to make mi hav faith in him tat even after 5mths he wun change his attitude towards mi..
he promised he wil love mi as much & more even after 10 20 30 yrs down the road til we r old..
he said if he's able to pass our 5mths without changing he wil get mi another ring =)


always heard ppl sae tat love changes after a few mths of damn sweet period..
i didn't wan to blive tat love fades wif time..
force myself to blive e guy i love
but it proves mi veri wrong..
all e past i hav went thru each & every was e same..
i tried so hard to force myself blive tat they wun change..
but ended up how tings appeared to b onli disappointed mi extremely..
each & every time i regretted..
y did i blive in their lies & not myself..

but u proved to mi u didn't change..
ur love for mi nv ever faded..
u stil treat mi as gd as b4..
care & love mi even more..
did tings jus to make mi hapi..
bring mi to whereva i wanna go..
even if its onli these im contented..
sorry sometimes i gave u attitude due to my mood..
dun u even noe..
its all written over ur face when u'r unhapi..
& u stil open ur eyes big big sae dun hav =.=
i was lucky enuff to meet u..
at least u treat mi like a gf u reali cherish..
at least i felt loved by u..
there's nearly no quarrelments btw us..
i always tot tat love was nv an easy feeling to understand..
but wif u it is..everyting's simplified..
i felt ur love for mi..
Dar, with u im reali veri contented..


有谁能带走这美丽的哀愁 能让我相信被爱的理由

wat's love..?
dar..u gav mi e ans to it ~


~ u'll always b e 1 in my heart..

bought a Jose Eber professional hair curler recently..
& there goes my 135 bucks..lol
intended to buy it next time but then dear asked mi to sit down n try..
after trying okie there goes my money..haha
cos its reali veri effective i should sae? 3secs for each section of hair..
& the curls lasted for the whole dae without the need to even apply any hair spray or mousse..
its made of ceramic so it does not even dries my hair much also..
tried curling myself at home n yup it was not tat difficult as i tot too..
within 15mins my curls r done for e first time trying..
no regrets buying it..at least now i can curl it wheneva i feel like it..
n get back my straight hair after a wash..how gd is tat..
was tinking of getting the pink petite straightener in future also..
its damn cute..

dad was tinking of buying a flat screen tv for mi to replace my current tv..
so went to gain city ytd & ended up getting a...
26inch Samsung LCD for like $699+ a wall mounting ting for 150+ cos its a movable one..
but he sae its better to get the movable one so ya he bought it..
planned to get a 20' or 22' de then end up the size getting bigger n bigger..
he nearly bought a 32' one..LOL i wonder where to put it in my room..

miss dardar so much neh..
he's having lessons everydae..
he's my lazy panda bearbear always overslept..
haha..but he's stil as sweet as ever..
for mi i onli felt so blessful ba..
he always gave mi all e care n concern i needed..
he jus make mi feel tat i dun ned to worry bout anyting..
my world my life was peaceful as compared to the past..
i hav so much problems so much tings to worry about..
*smiles* everydae now ^^



baby loves dardar =))

Last wk wed 15th april our 4th mth anni. ^^
went to suntec to build-a-bear ^^
planned to get it for our anni. bout 1mth plus ago..
after finish making our bearbear we'r hungry like hell..
so went to eat sakae sushi dinner buffet @ suntec..
&& its our 5mth anni. in less than 1mth's time le..
dear promised mi smth..not gonna mention it here..
but its jus a decision tat wil benefit him not mi..haha..
& from e start he already planned tat on our 5mth anni.
we'r gonna get our personal engagement ring..
then 5yrs...then 7yrs...
thanks dear for trying to get everyting tat i wished for..
i reali love buttercup alotx alotx..she's damn cute..
i can c u love bearemy alot too..i love him too..
dear caught his eyes on him cos of e name bearemy..
veri similar to dear's Jeremy..lol
todae he brought bearemy to my house when he came..
cos i told him buttercup misses her bf..
i didn't tot tat he would bring bearemy out..lol
so i took pics of them tgt todae..
&& bearemy's gonna stay wif buttercup for a few daes b4 goin home =))








arn't they veri cute & adorable?
i love dardar so much..he's my panda bearbear ^^

jus got back home not long ago..
had bbq jus now since evening..
ytd went to vivo to watch Panda Diary ^^
i wanted to watch it all along but onli vivo has it..
so yup went all e way down for Panda!!
haha..but seriously panda are soso cute..esp. the baby panda..
not much of storyline but more of a documentary film..
but i like it =))

genting trip's nearing soon.. *smiles*
hopefully it wil b a relaxing & fun getaway..
went to Zoo tat dae wif dear..
we walkED the whole zoo..
visited each & every animal..LOL
but lotx of animals in the zoo r sleping like pig la..
even thou it's daytime =.=
too good life le..








xoxo dear >.<>

Hapi 3mths anni. panda bearbear ^-^
iloveu..muackx..

genting trip hav been booked & confirmed..
wil b leaving for a short 3dae2nites getaway next tues to thurs..
wif dear & my frens.. =))
first time getting out of spore wif my frens =.=
first time i went out of spore wif my bf also..
cos he's e onli one tat's willing to bring & pei mi to where i wan to go..
he's e onli bf tat treated mi tis sweet..
i jus ask him wan to go genting wif mi & my frens
& without hesitating,
he jus said if baby wan go anywhere i sure pei u go..
he never complaint bout anything like waste time & $ go for wat
or wateva shit u can tink about jus to reject goin wif mi..
hmmm okie so e point is he's sweet to mi =))
all of us so looking forward to e trip..
lol..msia onli we so excited..
haha but it should b fun wif dear & frens..

todae went to ICA to collect dear's passport..
tis wk's school holidae so brought along dear's cousins..yiping & xinping wif us..
after e collection went to bugis walk walk shopping..
hmmm..bought 4 tops..
then went home..
tml morning dear's gonna bring mi go Zoo =))
lol..like finally..we r goin to e Zoo!!
hapi hapi..hehe..
ilove my dear..
im definitely gonna go c e panda & polar bear!!
LOL..their figure resembles my dear's..
but its alrite i like bears >.< hmmmm..we shall c..lol hav to wake up early tml.. gonna hav a bbq tis wk also.. most probably on fridae.. shall end here le..


ilovepanda bearbear ^-^
kissx3 >.<

hmm staying @ home tonite cos gonna go out early tml wif parents..
dear's gonna go ton later..
i jus woke up not long ago..
hungry but lazy to cook nth to eat at home also..
i wanted to order mac..
but dear said dun ned order..
cos he's gonna tabao mac over for mi later when he's out ^^
tml we planned to watch midnite movie suspectX..
so waiting for dear's mac delivery to arrive @ doorstep..
reminds mi of the time before we r tgt..
we dun meet so often like now..
he always tabao over to my doorstep wheneva i sae im hungry..
doesn't matters if its daytime or nightime

lol..while writing tis post halfway..
dear jus reached liao.. =))
gonna go eat my mac now le
hehe..
i love u dear >.<



muackx
Deardear

hmmm..its march already..
our 3mths anni. is veri soon..
15th march next sundae..
but too bad dear wil b working @ IT Fair from 13th to 15th..
gonna plan which dae to makeup for it ba..
dear suggested on last mth's anni. tat we wil exchange a build-a-bear for our 3mth anni.
cos he noes tat i like tat bear soso much..
i guess its rather obvious ar..?
haha..
gonna go to the zoo wif deardear one of these daes..
after tis rainy season is over..
its been raining everydae..
lighting & thunder freaked out my dear dog everydae..
& when tis happens means she gonna jump onto my bed & climb to my face..
& then she wil feel safe =.=
lidat i so cannot slep la!
but no choice my baby dog's damn scare of e thunder..
hmmm..xuan suggested to go for a Genting trip on 23th March..
cos there's promotion now..
i told dear..he's excited to go out of singapore wif mi..
but i hav yet to confirm wif my mum whether she allows mi to go..
cos if we r reali goin..ned to go down to book next wk..
so looking forward to goin zoo & genting wif my dear & frens..
woke up todae on dear's bed & dear hav already bought breakfast cum lunch for mi..
dear's always so sweet..he always buys breakfast for mi..
pei mi eat supper or even more sweet he always cook supper for mi wheneva i ton @ his house
so love u to bits & pieces..
tis morning i even sajiao-ed & ask him to feed mi like a baby..
lol..cos i love to b his baby.let him dote.. >.<
& recently dear hav been teaching mi dota..
cos i said i wan try & learn to play..
i played b4 but im a complete noob..
im not surprised tat u'r e onli person tat nv ever scolded or even nag a little at mi when teaching mi or playing wif mi..
i myself reali felt tat i hav no talent in games..
cos u'r e onli person who is patient towards mi..care & giv in to mi..
teach mi everyting i wan to noe slowly until i get e point.. =))
tml morning dear's gonna come over to pei mi do my BC project tgt..
lol he nv take e module he can teach mi sia..
shows how toopid im compare to my bf.. =.=
but its alrite..dear wil always takkaire of mi *smiles*
shall end here le..
gonna go dota wif dear ^-^

xoxo Dear >.<
muackiex

sweet valentine & 2mths anniversary my dear ^-^

Dear u reali gav mi a sweet valentine sweet u to remember..
its e veri 1st valentine we had tgt but how caring & thoughful u'r..
reali melted my heart inside..
nv even tot tat u'wil get mi rose cos i told u i dun like..
cos eventually it'll fade off i can't keep it..
but u stil got it for mi knowing tat i'll stil b hapi & smile =))
anyting..as long as its u tat giv mi i'll definitely smile..
its not e gift tat matters but ur heart of wanting to make mi hapi..
u even get Canele cakes which is similar to Bakerzin's for mi..
jus bcos i mentioned Bakerzin's cake pastries looks veri nice..
u'r e first tat bought 2 mini cakes which cost $16+ for mi =.=
lol..which is like damn ex.
but i reali appreciate it..thx dear =)
he gotten mi e hellokitty baby pink jacket which i aimed for weeks ago..
Dear i reali love it alot..
u sae looks cute on mi ^^ LOL
& tat pink hellokitty softtoy i also like it cos its pink!
haha..
even thou not u "diao" de..but also considered ur sis giv mi & u got it for mi ar?
lol..complicated.. =.=
& pink panther 2 was NICE =P
even though actually i wanted to watch look for a star but its solded out..
but stil..like u promised u brought mi to watch it the next dae on our 2mths anni. 15th feb ^-^
muackiexx
& mummy got mi a valentine's day gift also..
lol so surprised..
a tortoise softtoy tat i mentioned i like..
a big tortoise hugging a mini one..sweet =))
hmm & she rmbed sia..haha..

jus came back from dear's sis bf..alvin's bdae bbq @ east coast park..
kitties there are so damn cute..but can't catch home ar.. =(
Anyway..
Happy 24th Birdday!! =))

tml gonna pei dear go CMPB defer his NS ting..
wed gonna go RP play badmintion..jio-ed by xuan..
since dunno how long ago she's planning to go back sch for badminton..
until now..she's already graduated then we r goin to do so..lamed..DOTX

i miss dear so much =(
hope e hrs pass faster..

thx for everyting tat u did up til now..
even thou its jus 2mths tgt..
but i noe clearly how much u care for mi..
i cherish u.appreciate every single ting u did jus for mi..

xoxo my dear ^-^
huggiex
Baby >.<

Happi Chinese Moo Yr!! =))

after wat happened..
but life stil goes on..
tis week is fully planned..
tues auntie's hse..
thurs goin dear's hse
friday goin date wif my dear hubby ^^
gonna watch love matters & hmmm..go fort canning walk walk..
sat Gene's bdae!! goin prawning..haha sounds fun..
sunday goin east coast play =))

lol! fridae to sundae all Dear planned for mi already..
cos i told him i wanna go prawning..east coast..movie..fort canning..
& he planned to bring mi to do everyting..
so sweet isn't he..?
tel him how can i not love him so much when he dote mi tis much..?
i wan go where he sure find a day & bring mi there..
wat more can i ask for when hubby's already tis gd to mi..?
im so looking forward to tis coming weekend ^^
i wil miss dear alot alot..
wun b able to meet him until bout tues or wed.. =(
gonna go back watch teebee le..
shall end here ba..

Lastly..
wish everyone hav a prosperity & fruitful year ahead!! =))
takkaire ^^

hmmm..went to cut my hair @ jeanyip todae..
but no diff. also la jus trimmed alittle & cut my fringe shorter cos veri irritating ar..
bought creative speakers wif subwoofer for my lappy..
its e same model as dear's..since i experienced his b4 its reali not bad..
e bass quite power..even though its not new model..
quality matters much more to mi..lol
spent alot of time fixing e speakers when i reached home..
cos my room..hmmm..
ppl who stepped into my hse b4 should noe la..
my room is...lots of tings x messy.. =P

oh yaya & tml's gonna b a hapihapi dae..
haha..dear sae he's gonna bring his baby out for a date ^^
hmmm..planned to go around city hall area..marina..
seriously im hapi..its jus a matter of e heart..
at least dear cares to ask mi out for a date himself..
even though is jus walk walk i also hapi.. =)
where i feel like goin..i jus ned to let him noe..
dear wil always find e chance find a dae & bring mi go..
everyting he does..he puts mi in e 1st place..
& tink for my sake first..
im reali bless to hav met him ba..
he made mi feel e treatment tat none of my ex. hav manage to giv or do for mi..
Dear u reali made mi feel loved by u like i nv ever felt b4..

hmmmm..okie la end here le..
goin shower now..
meeting dear they all supper & slack agn..


*ithxfateforlettingmimetu*

e dae before new yr eve went sentosa to hmmm play..haha..
on e way there its like sunny la..then tot can like sun tan?
but then reach there realised so cloudy ar..tan butt meh..lol
so went & play water lo..
& then obviously guys can't sit stil ar..
c rocks onli anyhow climb & jump liao..
lol..so i jus capture those moments since i dun wan to climb so high..
not veri nice for a gal ar..haha..
hmm..bout almost sunset left siloso beach..
showered @ sentosa & we were staving like hell..
had our dinner @ harbourfront interchange tat hawker center..
almost all e food there was like damn nice..all looks veri delicious to mi la at least..
LOL..mayb cos i was damn hungry ar..
but seriously tat mutton soup there is a HMMM..freaking nice ar!!
after tat bus-ed back to yishun..slept on dear's shoulders all e way during e bus journey ^^
all went home cos veri tired ar..no supper date for e nite also..lol
but i reached home suddenly not so tired liao used lappy all e way to like 4am plus..?
actually wanted to slep early de cos dear they all planned to wakeup early morning to go supermarket buy bbq stuffs to prepare for e bbq on newyr eve.. BUT end up i overslept even thou i put my alarm 10am!! i nv heard e alarm rang la..dunno when & how i off-ed it =.= dear dun wan disturb mi slep so nv wake mi up also!! T_T when i opened my eyes already 12 plus noon le.. called dear..he said he buying tings le..but at least gene was there to help him ar.. jr tat piggy overslept like mi also..nono..if im not wrong he nv even woke up i tink..lol ytd nite's countdown bbq was nice..a hapi & fun one.. cos dear is there wif mi =) went to yishun dam to bbq.. dear they all took bout 1hr to start up e bbq ar!! cos of e CHIONG charcoals..LOL!!
after tat they veri hardworking de zai bbq ar..esp. JJ..LOL
mi & dear went to e matt & eat snake..haha!!
then we kop-ed e food & run..
but e chicken dear's mum marinated is like soso delicious la!!
brought a bottle of chivas from my hse..
jus bout 5..10 mins b4 countdown then we started drinking..
i drunk onli bout 1cup la..& i was like dizzy seh seh already..dotx =.=
& when i was stil in tat seh seh mode..
they 5..4..3..2..1..HAPI NEW YEAR..& 2009's HERE!! ^^
lol..& across e shore & straits of johor..
there's fireworks & signal flares from ships all across e dark dark sky =)) so nice ^^

To Hubby^^ ...

2009..i jus wan to tel u..
dear..thanks for taking care of mi soso much..being there for mi always..
thx for everyting u did for mi..
time fly when im wif u..
cos every moment is filled wif happiness..
i love u Dear ^^












Bye 2008..hi 2009^^
muackiex Dear =P


*iwannabwifuforeternity*

** from tis post onwards i wun mention bout *him* ever again..
unless him or anybody else were to bring up e topic & provoke mi again..
e hapi moments we once had tgt wil 4eva b precious memories to mi..
i wil keep it in my heart & nv 4get..
all i wan to erase from my memory is how much u hurt mi..
i always rmbed how much i once loved u..
how many chances i wan to giv u but end up its all wasted..
sori..im reali tired of everyting..
i given up..
from tis moment on u wil b out of my life completely..
all e best to ur life ahead.. **



went to party world last nite wif deardear & frens..
heard tis song 好心好报..
it was damn nice..
mayb cos it resembles mi & hubby's past..
how much he cares & love mi so much..
but i stil chose another over him cos i reali dunno how to let go..
hurt hubby damn much last time..
reading e lyrics made mi realized how much we suffered in e past..
but at least nw everyting's over..
im happily wif him now..
glad tat i met him..
he made mi walked out of my sufferings..
i wun regret e choice i made..
i chose hubby..
for a better relationship..life..
most impt i felt like being wif him more than anyone else..


方:落力为你好 得不到分数
你决定要跟他日後同步
他不懂爱惜你 我乐意操劳
邓:我决意爱他 祝我愉快吧
你最明白我痛极亦留下
伤得很重也不怕 我愿意等他
方:还看著你
邓:他会感动吗(方:看你在悬崖走路)
方:他却放下你(邓:他已跑掉吗)
方:只照顾自己
邓:我惯了爱他你怎样做
在悬崖还是我无退路
方:对你好 无人稀罕我好
无人欣赏我好
原来你习惯他一套
从来没有爱我 看得清楚 我知道
不必得到 不妨陪衬 但愿为你好
邓:他 从来都比你差
仍然死心爱他 垂头再度听他欺诈
祈求他说 爱我 为何尚未等到
可能 这秒时辰未到
方:最受罪也好 听听你哭诉
你说难过总比分手更好
邓:我说几多的女主角 也受过煎熬
方:情况坏到
邓:他也许做到(方:你信任来年一日)
方:他答应做到(邓:他也许做到)
方:统统都做到
合:我也似你的无从劝告
宁愿牺牲都不愿却步
方:对你好 无人稀罕我好 无人欣赏我好
原来你习惯他一套
从来没有爱我 看得清楚 我知道
不必得到 不妨陪衬 但愿为你好
邓:他 从来都比你差
仍然死心爱他 垂头再度听他欺诈
而明知你 爱我 我竟扮未知道
好人 恕我未能做到
方:你当我是知己 我看得到
我当你是一生前途
邓:彼此也是沉迷盲目控制不到
合:怎么好都等不到
方:怎去做 无人珍惜我好
无人喜欢我好
原来要学会他一套
从来没有吻过 记得清楚 我知道
不必得到 不妨陪衬 但愿为你好
邓:好 从来都知你好(方:未够好)
为何他不够好(方:我不够好)
原来我又与他拥抱
仍然相信我会有好心得好报
可能 到某日会知道

to 'hi' ~
pls dun b a dumbass la hoh..
i blog a post for a reason okie..
u narrow minded freak dun understand then dun kp..
wat u noe about my him..my relationship & stuffs..
wat right u hav to comment on other ppl's personal life..
i blog tat post to clarify for myself can..
cos some childish idiot impersonate my godbro jevin to tag..
accusing mi of e tings i nv did..
& HE sent mi sms insulting mi when he is in e wrong..
i nv wanted to sae out wat he did but since he's telling ppl tat i 2time him run wif another guy..
then y i stil leave face for him?
tis is a personal blog..
if u'r fucking buay song wif wat i wrote then pls fuckoff..
dun talk crap in my tagboard & pollute it..
u sae leave some face for myself then tink bout urself 1st la k..
u noe NTH
SO...dun comment on other ppl's personal life without knowing e true details..

jer :
hi 'hi', jer speaking. (;
as my baby has mentioned, its her personal life.
personal - concerning or affecting a particular person or his or her private life and personality
understood? PS. omg i can't believe i need to explain the meaning of personal -_-
sooo, anyway, if you finally somehow or another anyhow hopefully maybe understand what i mean,
i'll thank you if you can nicely kindly gracefully beautifully fuck off. (;
PSS. i seriously don't think you have the rights to comment on people's personal life, with a hobby like yours of
spamming at people's blog, i can't imagine how great a personal life YOU have. hoho. merry christmas btw. ;D
cya 'hi', wait, no, don't cya 'hi', bye! ^^

TO *U SHOULD NOE WHO U'R*
i guess he's desperately finding a new gf cos he's always at e top of my frenster update list recently..
LOL..cos he's adding damn lots of new gals around his area..where? *CK..
I onli pity e gal tat wil end up being his gf in future bcos of his sweettalk..
who would wan a bf who can send a same sms example "wat u doin" to like 10gals at e same time?
including his own gf..wth..
flirting like nobody's business even when he has a gf..
favourite past time hobby?
sweettalking & flirting gals on msn..
problem is he wun sweettalk 1 or 2 gals at a time ar..
is a lot at a time..10 also not a problem..
hmmm..then c end up which toopid gal wil get hooked lo hoh?
am i rite to sae tat idiot?
dun tink i dunno wat u r tinking..
play gals ur hobby rite? make them suffer..
u urself told mi tat..cos u hate gals who flirt around..
so u rather go play them FOR E SAKE OF REVENGE..
& NOT considering tat it wil hurt mi in e 1st place..when im stil ur gf..
seriously fucker..all gals r e same to u..
none of them is e special gal for u..
& u wun seriously go cherish them..
tats e worst part of u..
cos u urself also claimed u dunno how to LOVE..anyone..
but quite true la cos u reali dunno wat is love..seriously..
if u dunno how to love someone then dun sae u love her..
e feeling of living in ur lies & betrays is damn torturous..
Eventually i left u gave up on tis relationship cos i dun wan to live in ur lies..
i dun wan a life a relationship lidat..
its making mi suffer like hell..
& u dun even understand how i felt..
u sae tat u dun wan to hurt mi so u lie to mi & keep tings from mi..
but hav u ever tot of my feelings when u do tings behind my back wif other gals..when u betrayed mi?
its not a matter whether i noe wat u did or dunno..get e fucking point?
its whether U DID IT OR NOT!!
cos a fact is 4eva a fact..its always there..
sooner or later it wil b exposed..its jus a matter of time..
if not i wun found out wat u did behind my back also..
dumb ass..dun live in a world of ur own..wif ur own fucking theories..
can't u jus care & tink of other ppl's feelings 1st b4 u do anyting..?
i dun wan to admit it but afterall seriously i feel tat ur love is jus a lie..


fucking stop sending those boliao idiotic sms la hoh..
i treated u nt bad in e past but ask urself how u treated mi la hoh?
now come sae mi bitch sae mi prostitute..
wtf?
u urself 2time mi 2 times okie..dun forget tat fact..
2time normal filng then i stil can close one eye la hoh..
problem is u ask urself wtf u did la ok?
u fuck wif tat 2 bitch..
i noe liao wat i did i ask u?
i tried fucking hard force myself to accept e fact & forgiv u..
once is enuff le can..stil 2 times..u fucking repeat e same mistake
& hurt mi 2 times..
when i needed u where r u?
when i exposed u..u onli noe how to push mi aside..ignore mi..sae im irritating..
seriously..wat more u noe?
wat more u did to care for my feelings?
u onli noe how to sae accept e fact tat u hav change..
if not then break..its u tat told mi to accept it or else fuckoff..
dun forget wat u said tat hurt mi like hell..
during tat period u betrayed mi betrayed my trust..
when im at my lowest accepting e fact tat u suddenly sae u dun wan to meet mi so often..
who is always there for mi? jeremy..
his care for mi i can feel it see it veri clearly for myself..
e onli ting i can sae y i brokeup wif u & accepted him..
is jus cos u dun treat mi as gd as he treated mi..
dun fucking blame mi bitch or wateva..
cos its u tat hurt mi so damn much until my heart given up hope on u..
all in all u can onli blame urself for not cherishing mi when i treat u so gd love & care for u so much..
& tis led mi in felling for jer wanting to b wif him..
cos its fucking obvious being wif a bf like him wil b much better than being wif u..
i gave in fucking much to u more than i took from u..tis u should b damn clear..
u should b veri clear how much u did for mi..
e feeling of wanting to b wif him is stronger than b wif u..
cos it reali true im happier when im wif him..
he cares for my feelings..at e veri least..
u? onli noe how to ask mi help u do tis do tat..
im not ur dog can..? can't u do someting for mi also?
end up u stil disappoint mi..there's nth much u r willing to sacrify for mi..
if u can't giv mi wat i wan..nt e kind of bf i need..y can't u jus let mi go isn't it?
we can't get anyting from forcing its not love..
y can't u jus b more mature & understand tat point?
& stil fucking idiot come sms & sae im a prostitute?
when i nv 2time u b4 we brokeup?
pls get ur facts rite & stop fucking accuse mi..
i onli b wif him after we brokeup..its e fact..
i dun ned to 2time u can..
im not like u tis kind of fucker..
tat time i wanted to break wif u..
u threatened to beat my frens..beat jer..beat wateva la hoh..
damn childish..
u asked for a chance..
i agreed & went back to u..
how much i dun wan to hurt jer but i stil gave u tat chance..
he said he wil wait for mi..he reali did..
so i dun even need to 2time u..get e point idiot?
ur sms jus nw reali did provoked mi alittle..& tats wat u wan rite?
childish bastard..get a life can?
& fuck off..
u always sae gals r bitch jus bcos 2 of ur ex u reali loved hurt u damn much..
but then when u met a gd gf..ask urself did u cherish or nt?
if no..then dun fucking blame others for turning u into a fucker lidat ok..
seriously..sick & tired of ur childishness..


*simplyfuckoff*

To U:

i noe there's nth i can do but sae sorri..
wat's done is done..
everyting hav ended..
i wun allow myself to turn back ever again..
i noe i hav hurt u..
but afterall its stil better for mi to make my choice to leave u..
dragging on is seriously no point..
i hope u reali wil understand..
love is nt forcing mi to stay when my heart hav already left..
since e dae u start to hurt mi..
tat period was hell to mi..but u r nt by my side..
u jus pushed mi away..
u wil nv understand how i gone thru it..
i gave us another chance but it onli gave mi more time to realise my heart for u was already halfdead..
given up hope long ago..
its nt wat i can control..
i dun wish to hurt u too..
but everyting's fated i guess..
im unable to force myself to turn back act like i stil love u..
its seriously torturing mi inside..
it wil hurt u much more if i continue drag on..
so finally i decided to make my decision..
harden my heart..make sure i leave u once & for all tis final time..
if u reali do love mi like u claimed..
all i wanted is u to wish mi happiness..
but u didn't noe..
i jus wanted a simple life simple relationship wif e guy i love..
u made it seemed so difficult in e past..
i tried & tired to save our relationship but after so many tings happen..
i guess my heart hav given up without mi even knowing..
im reali veri sori..u hav hurt mi like hell few mths back..
but now i noe i hav hurt u too..i dun hav a choice..
its seriously torturing mi inside..its better to tel u e truth earlier..
i wish u wil find someone better than mi somedae..
hopefully by then u wil noe how to cherish her..
cherish e gal tat reali treat u gd..love u wholeheartedly..
i wish u wil find ur true happiness somedae..


*nthbutsorry*

reali. its always. u nv failed to make mi *smile*
make mi hapi..
every moment i onli felt blessful. happiness inside of mi..
bcos u r there wif mi..
u'r always there for mi..
regardless when where or any reason y..
cos u r always there..
u cared alot alot alot seriously alot.. jus for mi..
nv did anyone actually did or cared so much for mi..
other than my parents..
always tinking everyting for my benefit & nt hurting mi even alittle..
consoling mi..cheer mi up..advising mi wheneva im at my lowest..
everyting u did is heartfelt..
making mi feel tat i reali dunno wat more i can do for u..
i wan u to b hapi also..
i reali wna b wif u..reali..
dunno how many times how many moments i felt tat way so strongly..
wishing i could jus forget everyting..
jus to b wif u..
but i guess time is stil needed ba to settle tings out first..
many tots of uncertainty hav been occupying my mind recently..
making mi damn moodless sometimes..
cos i reali dunno wat i should b to make tings more simple..
wat i always wanted was jus simplicity..
but seriously it seems so difficult..
sometimes i reali feel so bad..
how i wished tings were nv tis complicated..


*irealiwonderwhentatdaewileventuallycome*

jerjer..
im reali sori i hurt u so so much..
how i wish i nv told u how i felt..
i regretted letting u noe..
& nw i reali hate myself for being a bitch..
i reali hope i can ease ur pain alittle..
but i reali dunno how to..
wat u wan i can't giv u..
its jus like wat i wan he can't giv mi too..
tings r far too complicated & my feelings r damn confused..
i nv tot i wil fall into someting so complicated ever in my life..
& caused by mi myself..
sometimes i reali wonder wat e fuck do i reali wan..
fucking stop hurting ppl wil i..
but i jus can't stop e tears when i realised im losing u..
i hurt u & i hurt him..i dun deserve anyting..
when can i ever wake up & nt b so damn selfish anymore..
i reali wan to noe..can some1 jus giv mi a slap & awaken mi..?

*imissu*

now i realise i dunno wat i reali wan..
& now i dunno wat to continue..
im damn confused..

its hurting like again..
cos tears reali rolled down tis time..
i tot i nv agn wil tear for u agn..
but i guess i reali recovered from e care u showed mi..
but nw im on e verge of breaking down once more..
i reali dunno how many times its gonna repeat..
i dunno how much more i can take..
i reali hate myself..
i hate myself for doin so much..
i reali did so much jus for u..
force myself..
changed myself to e kind of gf u wanted..
or i wil onli lose u..
u wun ever noe how i felt at tat period..
but after doin so much..
i reali wonder..
i can fel tat im impt to u..
but e problem is how impt..?
i reali love u..
i dun wan e dae where i hav to force myself to giv up on u wil come..
seriously..
u made mi hate myself so much once again..
i dun hate u but i hate myself..

i noe u'r affected by wat i said or wat i told others..
i did said my frens advice mi to giv up..
i did said there r better choices..
but the final choice is up to mi..
so wat if all these r true?
the main ting is..i accepted none of the above choices..
i wil also get affected by wat others told mi bout u..
but then i always blive wat u told mi over others in e end..
its a matter of trust..
u told mi i can choose to blive wat u sae or wat others told mi..
im reali upset tat u dunno whether to blive wat i said after i explained to u..
after i did so much jus for u..isn't it so obvious tat i dun ned to lie?
i reali love u until i dun even noe y i can do so many tings jus for u..
afterall its stil ur choice whether u wan to trust & blive mi or nt..
but in my heart i reali wish so much tat u will blive mi..
it reali hurts mi so much when im so clear how truthful & faithful im to u..
but stil..u dun blive mi..
i wil prove to u i reali love u tat much..
& i swear i wun giv up u even if there's better choices..
im nt some bitch tat wil dump or betray u for a better dude or wat...
my conscience is clear & i hav nth to hide from u also..
u hav doubts wan ask mi anyting can jus ask also i dun mind..
i wil ans u directly wat im tinking..
i can tel u firmly tat e dae when i sae break to u wil nv ever come..
tis is smth i tot it over wif a veri clear mind so NO DOUBTS at all..
mayb u dunno but to mi u'r my everyting...

i reali hate it when ppl distort wat i mean or sae..
then its like all bcum my fault lidat when tats nt wat i meant =.=
its like im being accused of smth i nv sae or did..
i seldom show my temper BUT
tis is e onli ting tat wil 100% guarantee make mi pissed off or angry..
but 4get it..since its all misunderstandings..i wil take it as nth happened..
im jus tired of all these misunderstandings..tats all..

*p.s. - u'r my everyting*

♥ Hubby^^
Sweet 20
`8th September 1988`
Virgo
SIM `Degree in Business Management`
jermainelum@hotmail.com
mi @ *|FRIENDSTER|*

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